Family Is Forever

Lately I have been thinking a lot about an old man who had one of the biggest impacts in my life. He was my best friend and I loved going to visit him. We would have random talks about anything and everything. We talked about his life and his crazy adventures he went through. From car accidents to tractor accidents, he had been through it all. I would tell him stories about my friends and my soccer games. He smiled and was proud when I told him I could knock the boys over in soccer. He laughed when he would lose his eye and needed help to come find it. When he set his mind to something, he would go after it. This stubborn old man is my Pops. It's now been 4 1/2 years since he has passed away but recently it has all been coming back. The memories, the laughter, the crutons and the juice, and of course the tears. Maybe it's been because I am away from home and family or maybe it's because as I go through all these changes and adventures in my life,  I want to tell him about them but, physically can't. I know that he is here with me, watching over me and experiencing all these wonderful things with me, but that does not make it any easier. There have been many events the last couple months that I have wanted to share with him. He was there when I got my mission call, but I couldn't feel the hug he gave. He was with me when I delivered the baby lamb, but I didn't get to hear his reaction to it. He is with me, silently comforting me as I cry typing this right now, but not being able to see him is one of the hardest things. What makes all of this a little less hard is knowing that my family is forever. Because of this wonderful gospel that I am a part of, my parents were able to be sealed together for time and all eternity, as were there parents. My family is a forever family. Even though I cannot see him now, I will be able to see him again someday. This comfort has gotten me through the last 5 years as  I lost 3 grandparents and many other family members. It is hard. There are times that I wish he were still here to see me off to college and on my mission, but then I remember how much pain he was constantly in and that by now, he would have probably lost all of his vision. He can now really see me progress in my life in ways that he was unable to before. He will be watching my whole mission, experiencing it with me instead of hearing about it in letters that he wouldn't have been able to read. I know that it is better this was, but lately it is hard to remember why when I feel just like I did 4 1/2 years ago when it all started. The look on their faces in the busy lunch room is forever stuck in my head. I knew at that moment that he was gone. My life had been changed. My best friend was no longer there for me to visit. He wouldn't warm my hands and feet anymore with his big hand. We would no longer nudge him awake when he dozed off in Sacrament Meeting. There would now be empty seats at holidays. No more 3 A.M. phone calls. One look at my parents and I knew it had all changed. All of this and much more has been so close to the surface lately. When changes come, I guess it brings up memories like these. The memories that make us laugh and cry. I miss him terribly but am so glad that he is where he is, pain free and happy. I will see him again and when I do, it will be the first time that I will have seen him like that. Knowing all of this, is what keeps me going on with my life the way that I should. Living my life so that when I am old and telling my own grandchildren my stories, they will want to listen and will want to tell me theirs. My family is forever just because we are not physically together right now, does not mean that we won't be again. I love you Pops! Thank you for being such a wonderful example to me and my sisters.